The Man who can

13 Jun

‘You’re a fool, you shouldn’t have sold yourself cheap’ she screamed at me, spraying my face with showers of saliva. She threw the money at me and continued ‘A meager #50,000? You must have been at your worst tonight; chief would have tipped even me better than that.’
Why don’t you offer him your asshole then? I itched to reply, but caught myself just in time to prevent a prolonged shout out with Madam. It was unlike her to come and meet me at the hotel as against our prearranged rendezvous points. She must be really desperate for the cash.
I could already smell her breath, a mixture of alcohol and marijuana, I was sure she would apologize in the morning when she sobered up but right now, the last thing on my mind was to even be here. I longed for the solace of my two bedroom apartment. I could feel the anger in my stomach moving upwards. My palm itched to hit Madam’s face but then I remembered why I was in this situation in the first place. I could only pray she doesn’t go through with her threat to expose everything.

I’ve always known her as ‘Madam’, that was the name she gave me the day we met at a bar where I was having drinks with my friends. We just finished a successful deal, the four of us netting #100,000 each. It would have been a larger amount, but I insisted that we stop the scam. I envisaged that even if we were caught, we could all rally round and get the money back.
We had finished our second bottle of red label and were on our way out when she signaled to the bartender to give us a third, we politely declined., but she insisted, hinting that she had a business proposition.
‘We don’t do business with strangers’
‘Oh snap out of it, this one will net you and your friends a lot more than the change you’re making now scamming unsuspecting housewives’ she said and took a sip from her glass.
‘I’m afraid you have the wrong crew’ I replied trying to keep a straight face, ‘How on earth did she know about us?’
‘Well’ she started then reached for her purse and threw a couple of photographs on the table, with well- kept fingers.
I made to pick them up but my guys beat me to it, sharing the pictures around them with several exclamations of ‘ohs’ and ‘ahs’ escaping their mouths.
‘Sharrap’ I snapped at them and snatched one of the pictures off Kunle the closest to me. My heart thumped loudly against my chest as I saw a pose of my naked self, face included. That was one thing we always guarded against, revealing our facial features in the pictures we sent to prospective clients.
‘Do you still think I’ve got the wrong crew’ She raised her head and blew a cloud of smoke in my face
‘What’s the meaning of this? Where did you get this?’ I snapped at her.
‘Oh cut the crap lover boy, I have a business proposition for you especially, your friends are just icing on the cake’ she replied.
‘Not before you tell me who gave you this’ I replied, fingers clenched in anger
‘Alright alright’ she said waving her arms in a circle round her head ‘Does the name ‘B-Slayo’ mean anything to you?’ she added.
How could I forget ‘B-Slayo’ the slime that cheated us out of our very first deal, threatening to turn us over to the police after we cashed in? He fell in love with the client, telling her everything about how we were poor undergraduates who dropped out of school for lack of funds and decided to run this scam. How we had kept sending pictures of our bodies only to a select number of women, especially those whose husbands we knew had no time for them; senators, politicians, business magnates. After they must have fallen in love with us, we then start blackmailing them, making sure they saw just one person out of the group. That person would also pretend like he was been blackmailed by the same crew to get whatever amount we wanted from the client, telling her that he also had never made direct contact with us.
We had it all planned out but B-slayo broke the first rule of been the contact, he fell in love with the senator’s wife that our net first snagged. The only condition on which he wouldn’t expose our real identities to her was if we would leave him alone and let him continue being the woman’s boyfriend which we had no choice but to agree to.
‘Now his single act of betrayal has come back to hit us in the face?’
‘From the expression on your face, I assume you remember him perfectly’ she said, snapping me out my reverie.
‘He’s a fucking chicken with no back bone, a weakling who is unworthy of being called a man…..’ I fumed.
‘Save me the sentimental bullshit and listen’ she broke in, ‘with a body and a face like yours, you shouldn’t ever want for anything money can get, your brother too.’ she added.
‘Let’s hear what you have to say then’ I said, through forced teeth.
‘It’s like this’ she started, ‘I’ll link you up with ladies who are actually interested in the services of young men like you, you’ll be their escorts for the day or night, depending on when they need you. You’ll attend to all of their needs whatever they are’.
‘And what’s in it for us’ I broke in
‘Money’ she answered, ‘lots of it at your disposal, ranging from #500,000 upwards for each client.’
Kunle interrupted ‘I assume you’re doing this from the benevolence of your heart huh?’
‘Smart-ass’ she replied ‘of course not, but I’ll be your agent, your link, whatever you choose to call it, and by the way you can call me ‘Madam’.’ She added.


The business proposition started off on the wrong foot as Madam almost swindled us out of our very first deal, but we were able to catch on quickly and got our share. As we progressed from one client to the other, Madam and I got unbearably close as her clients always had glowing praises for my services. I was satisfying their every need. She couldn’t but taste of the ‘goodies’ she was offering to her clients and I was very eager to satisfy her.
Very soon, my friends were conveniently left out of the picture as I became her one and only star attraction, peddling me here and there to anyone and everyone that could afford me. I soon became an open secret among the elite ladies of the society; I was even given a code name
‘The man who can’…

To be continued…


6 Responses to “The Man who can”

  1. seunodukoya June 13, 2013 at 2:48 pm #


    Nice story!

    When are we going to converse?

    • teekellz June 13, 2013 at 2:50 pm #

      Thanks bro……………. Let’s chat on whatsapp

  2. Martin June 13, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

    Reblogged this on 4:20 Smokers Blog.

  3. Do_tune June 13, 2013 at 8:48 pm #

    Good one . Hope it aint predictable tho.

  4. @K_Swiss147 June 14, 2013 at 12:56 am #

    Good job although a bit too predictable, riddled with cliches and punctuation errors. The loose plot didn’t help either. Also the conversations don’t have the 9ja undertone… Felt like listening to Americans speaking. E get how we dey speak our own correct English. Which young man in 9ja says “benevolence”? I’m not sure I’ve used that word since the day I was born, neither has any guy I know.
    Another basic rule of writing is keeping it simple… “She couldn’t but taste of the ‘goodies’ she was offering to her clients.” My head literally pained me when I read that line.
    No hard feelings bruh but you can do better! Some people consider me a “hater” on my site so don’t take it personal. I no sabi do anything except criticize people. Holla me when the next post is out. Maybe we’ll feature you on


    • teekellz June 14, 2013 at 5:06 am #

      Thanks man, really appreciate your observation and honesty.
      First, I’ve actually been around people who use such words, ( I know I do……) also it is to show that these guys are educated, and not illiterates.
      Second, loose plot? I’m not sure I understand or see this, maybe its because I wrote the piece though……. And I can tell you that it’s not as predictable as you think it is.
      Wait until you read the second part….
      Thanks once again.

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